I had a conversation today with my mom about men. A friend of mine also asked me a question the other day that provoked this post. I’ve actually been meaning to write about it, but I haven’t quite figured out everything I’ve wanted to say. Even after I write it I’ll read it later and think of 50 other things I should have said, or something I shouldn’t have. Basically, I came to the conclusion that no man is ‘perfect’ (which I’ve already known). But it’s whether or not the imperfections are worth loving too.
So, because I’ve watched so many chick flicks in my days I’ve developed a false sense of what a real life love was- or so I thought. Now, one thing you need to know about me is when I love… I love hard. I’ve been in like, I’ve been in lust, I’ve been in infatuation, and I’ve been in love. ‘Like’ is fun, ‘lust’ is sexy, ‘infatuation’ is dangerous, and love…well love is somethin’ else. Love are all of those things combined, maybe not all at the same time but they all exist. Love is the little things.
I’ve known plenty of relationships that had love, but that was all they had. But is love really ever enough? I can love the shit out of some pizza but there’s no way I could have it for the rest of my life. Peanut butter m&ms, maybe. But that’s the question in life. Do you stay in love because it’s what you know? Or do you stay in love because you grow? I didn’t have the best role models in love growing up. My father wasn’t the type to constantly tell my mom he loves her, randomly buy her flowers, or do the little things she loves in life. Some could say that I should have known then that the guys who sing those sappy songs aren’t real. And the guys who play those dream men on TV don’t really exist. But I refuse to believe that. Growing up and seeing the way my mom was treated, made me want a different kind of man. A kind of man that is gentle and soft, fun and outgoing, sweet and caring. And no, he doesn’t have to be that way in front of all his manly friends. I’m unrealistic, but not crazy. But, behind closed doors a man should always, in one way or another, be showing some sort of affection to his woman. Just as a woman should.
I refuse to believe that when a man loves a woman, I mean really loves a woman they will not go out of their way for the little things. As a woman, I think of the little things. The little things that make a man happy. I actually pride myself on that specific part of me. I’m a lot better at little things than big things. I see men like the men in movies; they may not exist at all times, they’re not always perfect. But that’s okay. It’s the little things, here and there, that speak words. Actions have, and will, always speak louder than words. If a man isn’t doing the little things for a woman, she just simply isn’t the right one for him. I believe, with everything I have, if you are not going to treat a woman the way she deserves to be treated then it’s because she’s not the woman you want. Find any other excuse in the book to justify it, but that’s the truth. It goes for women too. If I don’t give my all to you, it’s because I don’t want to. Not because I can’t. The phrase “I can’t be the ____ you want” isn’t relevant. Because you can be anything you want to be, if you want to be. Does that make sense?
Anyway, back to what I actually wanted to say.. Prince Charmings. They DO exist. They’re not men in shiny armor, a man who kisses you awake, or a man that gives you a rose. They’re a man that learns what makes you happy, and does it. Not daily, but just often enough to make you know they care. A kiss on the forehead while the sun goes down, for example. Or sending songs to each other that makes you think of them. Or being there for you to complain to at the end of a long day; not because you want them to fix it but because they know you need to vent to get over it. Whether it’s been 2 months with a person, or 3 years never let go of doing the little things. You don’t need to go “all out” for every anniversary, it’s one day a year that you already know. Go “all out” when she least expects it. And by “all out” I don’t mean spend hundreds of dollars by taking her out to fancy restaurants….honestly, that shit sucks. Instead, plan a movie night in, share some popcorn, talk about stupid random crap, and dance around in your living room with her. That’s a night she’ll remember. Not the name of some crappy restaurant where the food wasn’t even good.
So all I’m really trying to say is…don’t settle. If he’s not your Romeo, it’s probably because you’re not his Juliet. I’m not saying give up on your relationship, because anything worth having is definitely worth fighting for. Actually, you should continuously keep fighting for your relationship. Don’t quit the little things once you have that “man” or “woman” in your arms. You should always put in the effort you put in on the first date on your 223rd date, that doesn’t even really count as a date as much as it does getting some quiet time at 3am before the crying baby wakes up. But hey, that’s my 2 cents, not that you asked or anything.