I don’t even know where to start. What’s happened since summer of 2016? Honestly, not much. It’s been a year now since I’ve been back at home. I can say I’m not at all the person I was a year ago. I’ve grown significantly (hopefully, for the better). But lets see.. a little bit of an update.
Last time you guys heard from me, I had bought a Chevy. I traded it in about 6 months later and purchased my first car. It’s a Hyundia Elantra 2015. It’s white. It’s cute. It’s sooooo me. One of my best friend had one a few years back and ever since then I knew one day I would too. I named her Brook because she’s a feisty little thing- in my eyes anyway. I take super good care of her. She’s always clean and I’m pretty proud of myself for that purchase.
I also got a new job. Some of you may know, I used to work at Chick-Fil-A and in March of ’17 I moved on. I loved my job, and most of the people I worked with, but it was definitely time to try to start closing the door on my old life. For those of you who don’t know, my ex worked at CFA as well. So, you can imagine how difficult that was for both of us once we decided to split ways for good. I started a new job at Child and Family Support Services. It’s a behavior health center for children under the age of 18 and it’s so fulfilling. It’s a job I went to school for. I’m happy there and I see myself staying for awhile. I haven’t made any friends, really, except my supervisor. Her and I get along pretty well. Other than that, I’m really not trying to make any friends. Keeping my work and personal life separate seems like a pretty good plan these days.
Lots of little things have happened. I’ve lost a lot of people throughout the last year. A lot of my own doing, honestly. One day I’ll explain more of that. But today I thought about the blog because I’ve been thinking about that life lately. The people I had in it. And I just wanted to say a little something to the family that I lost. So, here goes….
I love you. I love all of you. I always will. You were part of my life for almost 4 years, daily. It’s hard to look back and think of all the weekends I spent with you and know I will never get that back. it’s hard to look back and know I knew you all before my relationship with your son, brother, and grandson. And if you ever see this bud, your dad. But it’s funny how one little thing can change everything. I lost all of you, and I think about you all all the time. I wish I could get you back, I wish I could get all of it back. But, I guess things happen for a reason. I just hope you all know, I didn’t choose this. This isn’t where we would be if I had a say in the matter. I really hope you’re all doing well. I’m also sorry for making a hole in your life. I know I was your family as much as you were all mine. I never knew how to handle this and the situation it’s put us all in is uncomfortable I’m sure. But no matter what, know that I still care. I still love each of you and I will forever have those memories in my heart. I also know I disappointed you, and I’m sorry. I know I made a lot of mistakes and there’s not anything I can do about them now except say I’m sorry. I know my place in your life will be replaced, but I hope I made a difference while I could. Maybe one day, when I can, I’ll reach out to you. Maybe grab some lunch. But, as much as it sucks to say, my heart still hurts. It still beats for the life I had with you guys. I’m not sure if that will ever go away- it sure doesn’t feel that way. But, if it does I’d love to see you. Until then, I hope you all know I haven’t forgot. I will never forget you or the times we had. Thank you for loving me, and accepting me, even when I was wrong.
As far as the blog goes…I won’t be writing anymore. I started this blog when my life was going down hill. When I didn’t feel like I had anyone to talk to, because well I didn’t. Not someone who would listen anyway. I realized the more privacy I have in my life, the better it is. So, for now, I have to say goodbye. Thank you all for reading, caring, and being there. Maybe we’ll run into one another again some day.