Goodbye Summer 2016.

Well I started this blog a few months ago in hopes to add something to my life. It started out a fun thing I did when I had time to do it. Until I figured out I was routinely posting things. Some people liked it, other people read the first couple, and others didn’t even know that I blogged. So, for those of you who are returning, thank you. Thank you for coming back after so long gone. For those of you who read some things and not others, not every post can be a winner….right?? And finally, for those who are reading for the first time. Get ready. I’m not even entirely sure about what this blog is anymore. But whatever it will be, it will be me. Utterly, shamelessly, and completely me. I solemnly swear, that from this moment forward, this blog has no shame, no lies, and no limits. cdeadfcbfe11dba14abf48426f6293a5 Except fun. I’ll continue to write and blog; share my stories; and be annoyingly awesome until it is no longer fun. Once it feels like work and the fun has floated away, I’ll no longer blog. Full disclosure.

 

So, where have I been lately? Hmmm. Many places, honestly. Many things have changed in the last few months. I went from having my own house with a guy and little boy I gave my whole heart to, to moving back home with the padres and mending half of it. The other half is in the process of being put back together. You never really realize how fast time pasts until you’re looking back on what used to be. Not to say that where I was is better than where I am now, but mentally I am in a much more stable spot. I’ve had a few really good nights, and a few really bad. But the good thing about focusing on yourself is you let more good in than bad. And God only knows that I can use a bit of good in my life.  000_0395

To the question some of you have been asking… what have I been doing? I got surprisingly drunk with some good friends one night, and woke up more miserable than ever. Then had the best day of laying around and watching movies and napping the next day;Enjoyed watching the 2016 Rio Olympics; I got caught in a lie that I never felt worse about; I also got in an accident and crashed my dad’s 2014 Mitsubishi…. Fun; I bought my very own 2001 Chevy Silverado. Am I rolling around town showing it off? No, not really. But I’m proud to have something that is mine. Solely mine, that I worked hard for and paid for myself. After all, it is just a stepping stone to something better and I am definitely okay with that; I also had a small trip up North to cooler weather. One of the best days I’ve had in a very long time, if I’m being honest. Completely relaxed, fun and good music is something I’ll never take for granted again. If I’ve learned anything the last couple months, it’s how much happiness some(one)thing can bring you in doing the simple things in life. How much you are willing to do to keep that happiness as long as you can, because damnit I’m not getting any younger and I honestly don’t care what people think anymore; I also went tubing for the last time of the summer with a great group of people and the funniest co worker I’ve ever had. Who, did I mention, can’t swim and hates water of any kind on her face? Such good times.

So there you have it. I’ve been through heartache, I’ve rekindled friendships and started new relationships, I’ve grown, I’ve started back where I began, and I’ve made plenty of mistakes this summer. But the summer of 2016 will go down in history for me, because It’s the start of the new me. The me I’ve always wanted to be, and the me I hope to continue to be. The start of some relationships that I hope last a very long time. Thank you to my family, friends, and…. you. Yeah, you know who are you. Without you guys, who knows where I’d be right now.

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Prince Charmings DO Exist

I had a conversation today with my mom about men. A friend of mine also asked me a question the other day that provoked this post. I’ve actually been meaning to write about it, but I haven’t quite figured out everything I’ve wanted to say. Even after I write it I’ll read it later and think of 50 other things I should have said, or something I shouldn’t have. Basically, I came to the conclusion that no man is ‘perfect’ (which I’ve already known). But it’s whether or not the imperfections are worth loving too.

So, because I’ve watched so many chick flicks in my days I’ve developed a false sense of what a real life love was- or so I thought. Now, one thing you need to know about me is when I love… I love hard. I’ve been in like, I’ve been in lust, I’ve been in infatuation, and I’ve been in love. ‘Like’ is fun, ‘lust’ is sexy, ‘infatuation’ is dangerous, and love…well love is somethin’ else. Love are all of those things combined, maybe not all at the same time but they all exist. Love is the little things.  Love-Message-22-300x300

I’ve known plenty of relationships that had love, but that was all they had. But is love really ever enough? I can love the shit out of some pizza but there’s no way I could have it for the rest of my life. Peanut butter m&ms, maybe. But that’s the question in life. Do you stay in love because it’s what you know? Or do you stay in love because you grow? I didn’t have the best role models in love growing up. My father wasn’t the type to constantly tell my mom he loves her, randomly buy her flowers, or do the little things she loves in life. Some could say that I should have known then that the guys who sing those sappy songs aren’t real. And the guys who play those dream men on TV don’t really exist. But I refuse to believe that. Growing up and seeing the way my mom was treated, made me want a different kind of man. A kind of man that is gentle and soft, fun and outgoing, sweet and caring. And no, he doesn’t have to be that way in front of all his manly friends. I’m unrealistic, but not crazy. But, behind closed doors a man should always, in one way or another, be showing some sort of affection to his woman. Just as a woman should.

635939394083003642-770889348_love picI refuse to believe that when a man loves a woman, I mean really loves a woman they will not go out of their way for the little things. As a woman, I think of the little things. The little things that make a man happy. I actually pride myself on that specific part of me. I’m a lot better at little things than big things. I see men like the men in movies; they may not exist at all times, they’re not always perfect. But that’s okay. It’s the little things, here and there, that speak words. Actions have, and will, always speak louder than words. If a man isn’t doing the little things for a woman, she just simply isn’t the right one for him. I believe, with everything I have, if you are not going to treat a woman the way she deserves to be treated then it’s because she’s not the woman you want. Find any other excuse in the book to justify it, but that’s the truth. It goes for women too. If I don’t give my all to you, it’s because I don’t want to. Not because I can’t. The phrase “I can’t be the ____ you want” isn’t relevant. Because you can be anything you want to be, if you want to be. Does that make sense?

Anyway, back to what I actually wanted to say.. Prince Charmings. They DO exist. They’re not men in shiny armor, a man who kisses you awake, or a man that gives you a rose. They’re a man that learns what makes you happy, and does it. Not daily, but just often enough to make you know they care. A kiss on the forehead while the sun goes down, for example. 38201614-Young-couple-in-love-embracing-and-kissing-Young-man-and-woman-sitting-on-their-car-hood-Romantic-yo-Stock-PhotoOr sending songs to each other that makes you think of them. Or being there for you to complain to at the end of a long day; not because you want them to fix it but because they know you need to vent to get over it. Whether it’s been  2 months with a person, or 3 years never let go of doing the little things. You don’t need to go “all out” for every anniversary, it’s one day a year that you already know. Go “all out” when she least expects it. And by “all out” I don’t mean spend hundreds of dollars by taking her out to fancy restaurants….honestly, that shit sucks. Instead, plan a movie night in, share some popcorn, talk about stupid random crap, and dance around in your living room with her. That’s a night she’ll remember. Not the name of some crappy restaurant where the food wasn’t even good.

So all I’m really trying to say is…don’t settle. If he’s not your Romeo, it’s probably because you’re not his Juliet. I’m not saying give up on your relationship, because anything worth having is definitely worth fighting for. Actually, you should continuously keep fighting for your relationship. Don’t quit the little things once you have that “man” or “woman” in your arms. You should always put in the effort you put in on the first date on your 223rd date, that doesn’t even really count as a date as much as it does getting some quiet time at 3am before the crying baby wakes up. But hey, that’s my 2 cents, not that you asked or anything.

Lyric Overload

Has anyone else ever thought about how weird it is that there are some days we can barely remember our name, but we can remember every lyric to a song we learned when we were 5? Funny how music works like that. There’s never a day that goes by where I don’t listen to music… without it life would be boring. So this post is about those songs we hear that have a specific set of lyrics to them, for whatever reason, make us love it even more. Feel free to click on the links which will take you straight to the songs I’m talking about! So here’s a little bit about me and what I like to hear when I listen to music….

  1. Canaan Smith- “Love You Like That
    So this one isn’t because it’s a love song. Well, maybe a little. But the lyrics I’m choosing are far from anything lovey dovey. My favorite part of this entire song is when it goes “I could never do it like a pretty city boy, I’m more a fishin’ in the dark nitty gritty boy.” No idea why, but I wait for that verse every time I hear this song and feel so cool saying “nitty gritty boy”. It’s so catchy!
  2. Chris Lane- “Fix
    I love a song that incorporates something else I love, or that is meaningful to me. This song incorporated one of the most famous TV shows (and one of my favorite) into its lyrics. “I’ll be your slow grind, that late night, your Walter White high”. Nothing says love is a drug more than comparing how intense the feeling is to the biggest TV drug lord of anything ever invented.
  3. Thomaa Rhett- “Vacation“, “Tshirt” & “I Feel Good
    Lets start off with saying how perfect Thomas Rhett is. His wife is the main focus of almost every single music video and his lyrics are so so so good. One day I’m going to dedicate a whole blog post to this man. I’m in love with basically every song he’s ever had.

    Vacation- “My girl is rockin’ that Billabong bikini like she’s sponsored asking me if i can rub that Coppertone on her”. Well I went tubing the other day and was putting on Coppertone sunscreen and I automatically started singing the song. This song is probably in my top 3 favorite songs right now.

    Tshirt- Everything about this song is life. And I said that chuckling. One line is, “Had Christmas light up in the middle of June all hung up, like I was on you” and the other is, “We were walkin’ up the stairs with the neighbors sayin’ keep it down. But it’s hard to unlock the door when you’re makin’ out”.  Basically, I like this song a lot. As a hopeless romantic, all I’ve ever wanted is a love so strong and so physically and mentally binding that the lyrics of being so into each other “makin’ out” to answer a door or care about the rest of the world is awesome.

    I Feel Good- Everytime I hear this song, it automatically puts me in a better mood. “I feel good today, can’t nobody bring me down”. I’m one those lame people that sing this part at the top of their lungs because, well damnit, when I’m in a good mood can’t nobody bring me down.

  4. Justin Timberlake- “Cant Stop The Feeling” & “Not A Bad Thing
    JT seems like the coolest guy ever. I’ve been listening to him since his NSYNC days, but I like him so much more all grown up. His music is super catchy and the beat is always on point. Cant Stop The Feeling is one of those feel-good-no-matter-what songs. My favorite line is “It’s something magical. It’s in the air, it’s in my blood, it’s rushing on. Don’t need no reason, don’t need control. I fly so high, no ceiling, when I’m in my zone.” When you’re actually in your zone and hear this song it’s so accurate and, at least for me, I can’t help but dance every time I hear it. For Not a Bad Thing it’s “No I wont fill your mind with broken promises and wasted time. And if you fall you’ll always land right in these arms”. I’m a girl, and if there’s one thing in life I hate it’s broken promises. I understand shit happens, but when that shit happens at least catch me when I fall. Ya know?
  5. John Mayer- “Gravity
    Currently listening to this song. Ever have a bad/weird week? Where it seems like everything is trying to tear you down and apart? This song… its full of the feels. My favorite line is “gravity is working against me, and gravity wants to bring me down”. For self explanatory reasons, this song is my bad/long/crappy day go to.
  6. Steve Moakler- “Suitcase
    If you know anything about me, you know watching the sun go down is one of my favorite things in life. It’s so…peaceful. I was introduced to this song and fell in love with it instantly. My favorite line is, “But i’d be fine watching you watch the sun go down. With your head on my chest and a blanket on the ground”. People are so caught up on wanting material things in life that they never just want to be…happy. Nothing…and I mean nothing… would make me happier than those lyrics. I’d rather have someone by my side that loves me as much as I love them than a suitcase full of money. Material things mean nothing to me, but watch the sun go down with me and…well…you’ll have a very special place in my lil ole heart.
  7. Alan Jackson- “Sissy’s Song
    For personal reasons, this song gets me. It starts off with, “Why did she have to go so young I just don’t know why things happen half the time without reason without rhyme.” Tears. Tears happen when I hear this song.
  8. Ron Pope- “A Drop In The Ocean
    The chorus of this song is great. With “I was praying that you and me might end up together. It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert” it’s like living in Arizona is finally a real life thing for people. Sometimes, whether its people or situations you want to go right this song gets it. Even thought you know it’s a slight chance, its human nature to still want specific things to happen.
  9. Thompson Square- “Glass
    “I’ll let you look inside me, through the stains and the cracks, and in the darkness of this moment you see the good and the bad. But try not to judge me, cause we’ve walked down different paths, but it brought us here together so I won’t take that back.”  This is the lyrical form of “everything happens for a reason” in my opinion. Since I believe in those words, I believe that I am where I am today because of the things I’ve went through and done in life. As much as I hate some things I have done in my life, it continues to make me who I am. And well, I kinda like myself.
  10. Mary Lambert- “Secrets
    The other day I was told I’m “a fan of strong independent women” I can’t even think of the conversation without chuckling to myself. This song nails why I think the way I do about women. I admire a woman who can take who they are and own it. Who’s not afraid to be who they are in fear of what others think. “They tell us from the time we’re young to hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves. I know I’m not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else. Well I’m over it.” he lyrics are so true. By no means, ever, am I a feminist. But I believe in equality. Well, until I need help opening the pickle jar.

So, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading and, hopefully, listening to these songs. Only a few of ones that float in my mind sometimes. What are some songs you like?

Peanut Butter Heaven

What’s better than peanut butter? Not much. So on my day off this week I decided that I would make some peanut butter blondies. With peanut butter m&ms. And peanut m&ms. I’m 100% thankful that I never had a peanut allergy because life would suck without any of those things.  I give everyone who has a peanut allergy my very, very sincere apologies on what you’re missing out on here.

Anyway, if I haven’t mentioned how much I love peanut butter then here it is one more time… oh wait, a little drool just happened. As I’m sitting here eating one of these peanut butter blondies I’m thinking to myself how perfect the combination of peanut butter and chocolate is. Now I’m not a huge chocolate person but with peanut butter…mmm mmm! IMG_1665This is very easy to make. I had all the ingredients in my house already so it was very convenient to just throw together. What I used was:

1 1/2 cup peanut butter m&ms
1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted melted butter
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 handfull of peanut m&ms

As you can see I used Peter Pan creamy peanut butter because well I like Peter Pan. That’s it. No baking reason, but I get that kind because I’m a kid at heart who never wants to grow up. Now, in my opinion there was waaaaaay to many m&ms in this blondie and the opinion was seconded by the taste tester. I would probably use about a cup next time. Between mixing them in and spreading them on top of the bars it was just too much. I added about a handful of peanut m&ms to the top of the bars to add a little crunch in there. The blondies do come out very soft and a little under-cooked but that’s what makes them SO good. I’m not a fan of the crunch from the peanut m&ms but I did it anyway. To make them, you don’t use a mixer so it’s all old-fashioned wooden spoon fun. By the way, I was alone so I got to lick the spoon ALL. BY. MY. SELF. Talk about being a kid again! Remember the memories of your grandma baking and getting to lick, well, everything you could find that was coated with the batter? That was me.

The picture to the right is the order in which you combine everything. IMG_1666First, take the melted butter and sugar and mix it together until it gets pretty creamy. Then, add your vanilla and egg to the mixture. Mix it all together until its nice and smooth then add your peanut butter. The peanut butter takes the longest with the wooden spoon but it makes everything worth it in the end. Make sure you mix the peanut butter in well with everything else. After your mixture is smooth, add the salt and flour. It will finally start looking like a wet dough and you can start getting excited. Finally, add about a little over half of the m&ms to the mixture and mix it. Don’t worry if the m&ms start to break, it’s not a big deal. Pop them in the oven at 350 degrees for about 25-30 minutes. The sides will look a little crunchy and the middle will still be a little under-cooked but take them out. I promise you it will cook a little more but the little bit of raw dough that’s in the middle will be heaven.

I got a very happy look of approval upon this tasty treat being eaten so I’m sure any other peanut butter lover will enjoy eating it as well. But, that’s basically all for this blog. I’m having a lot of fun coming up with little things to write about and giving you all something to read while your peanut butter filled bellies rest.

 

To The Ladies

Remember that time I said this blog was raw? Today’s post is probably the most real one I will ever write. As women, sometimes we don’t get the respect and/or appreciation we need daily. And if we do, then well we must be dreaming. We all watch movies that show the perfect man, father, best friend, boss, or any other sort of man that dictates some part in our life. Those men often don’t know how to communicate well. Sometimes you just need to know how well you’re doing in life. So I’m here as a woman, to a woman, to say to you what you have been waiting to hear.

To the mother
That hasn’t been appreciated enough. YOU are loved. YOU are something special that made human beings. That in itself should be enough for you. But because I know it’s not here’s what you deserve to hear. No matter what your children say in life to you, you will always be the person they love most. You have given your entire world to your children and they appreciate you even if they don’t say it nearly enough. Thank you for making ours lives easier with the little things you do (or did): our laundry, cooking for us, making sure we did our homework, guiding us through life, teaching us the importance of emotions, and everything else you help us with. We would be lost without you, and that’s no lie. 67059894_1393922736

To the step-mother
That doesn’t feel like a real mother. You are a hero. You are a mother. You chose to love a child that has no physical connection to you. But that emotional connection you have with your child (and I say “your” because blood doesn’t make a mother, your heart does) will last forever. No matter where you go in life that child’s well-being will be with you along the way. You make a difference everyday to that child. They look up to you just as much as any other parent in their life. They will take you into consideration. To you, you are a person that will love them unconditionally. Because we do, we love them with everything we have. The difference is… we don’t have to. We do because we are strong. We love hard. We care more about them than we do ourselves because well, that’s just who we are. In time, they will see that. But never, ever let someone tell you you are not a mother. You are.

To the wife….
That doesn’t get the recognition she deserves. Thank you, for taking care of the house, kids, and making sure we all have clean clothes and food on the table. You’re a great cook and I would choose your food over anyone else. You may not be appreciated for the small things you do by your husband everyday but I see them. I see you doing those dishes, wiping the counter, cleaning up after the kids, figuring out ways to make your man feel noticed and loved, and all the little things you do after a hard days work to make your family feel loved. You make life easier for your man, and if he doesn’t realize that then you deserve more. You deserve better. Don’t accept less than what you give to your husband. You are wonderful. You are beautiful. You are loved. Thank you for being a great wife.

To the sister
That wakes up in the middle of the night to check on your brothers and sister because, for whatever reason, your parents can’t. I know you don’t get to live your childhood because you’re too busy making sure your siblings get to live theirs. You’ll miss all the exciting things in life because of your strong heart. Your siblings will end up loving you and appreciating you more than anything in their lives. But you will be left thinking about what you missed out on. But, when you have kids you’ll relive all those things you missed out on. You’ll realize that it wasn’t so bad not being able to play barbies all day because now you get to have tea parties with your mini me. Stay strong. You are essential in this world. You are noticed.

To the girlfriend
That is questioning her importance to her boyfriend. What I have to say to you is real. Don’t question your importance. If you wake up once a week asking yourself if you mean anything to him, if he loves you, if he appreciates you, or anything else that makes you unworthy in his life…leave. You are young. You are beautiful. DO NOT settle. I see all the little things you do to make sure he feels loved.  strong-women-quotes-6To make sure he feels cared for. To make sure he knows that he’s important and a priority in your life. If you are not getting that back he doesn’t deserve you. You see a future with him, but he’s planning a life of his own. There is a man out there that will treat you like you treat him. He will give you everything you want in return because he cares about your happiness as much as you care about his. Never think that you can’t do better and stay out of fear.

To the side piece
That can definitely do better. I know you, i understand you. You’re looking for something in all the wrong places. You spend hours with him and go home wishing you were the one falling asleep next to him. While he goes home to his wife, girlfriend, or family. I will say there is a difference. About 10% of these relationships actually work out, but about 90% will end with your heart broken or a family that doesn’t deserve it. Sometimes, both. You are worth more than an hour of someones time that forgets about you when you leave. If he isn’t actively trying to be with you and making an effort to give his whole self to you, don’t do it. I get the urge, I understand the desire. But I also know your heart. Your heart is more worthy; your heart deserves to be loved and whole. Move on. Give someone your heart that deserves it. Give someone your heart that can give you theirs in return. You’ll love harder and deeper than you ever thought possible.

 

There’s things in life that make us question who we are. What we all need to remember is we are able to change who we are. We can give ourselves the love we need. But, it’s always nice to be loved, cherished, appreciated, and given back what we do everyday. There will never be a “perfect” life for any of us. There will be hard times, there will be days we we are not sure what to do with ourselves. But one day, in the middle of the storm, you’ll find someone who makes that better. Who not only makes you feel loved, cherished, and important but who will physically make you better. He won’t be perfect but he’ll be perfect for you. You’ll hear a song that reminds you of him, walk by something in a store that puts a smile on your face because you remember when you cooked together, or something else that makes you think how ridiculously stupid it is that you can’t seem to get him off your mind. Keep him. Fight for him. You’ll become the girlfriend, wife, (step)mother, and grandmother we all strive to be one day. It’s biological. It’s fate. It’s what we are here to do as women. Screen-shot-2013-03-03-at-2.08.02-AMThe future depends on us, and I depend on you. We are one and I couldn’t choose someone better to have by my side.

 

PS. Thank you to my mom who is a huge inspiration to me everyday. To my grandmas, one who has now moved on to the other side that helps mold me into the person I want to be everyday, and one who is too far away to understand what she means to me. To my aunts, cousins, and friends that stand behind me in my life and give me their support and shoulder to lean on when needed. To my best friend that is behind me in every decision, mistake, and life choice I choose. I love you all. You make me better. And you are all appreciated.

 

 

Red, White, and Yummy

So, in spirit of the upcoming 4th of July holiday I decided to go with the yummy side of my brain today. Living in Arizona, I know exactly what summer means. It means getting out of the shower, walking out the door, and sweating like there’s no tomorrow. What’s the point of showering?! Cause I like to smell good, even if there’s sweat on parts of my body. But enough rattling about how hot it is in hell and time to enjoy some cool, refreshing treat ideas!

Buzzed Strawberry Bites

SO this is a treat that can be liquored up for us adults on 4th of July or liquored down for the kiddos. It’s a super easy treat that’s a little time consuming if you want them to look perfect. You can also switch out the strawberries for cherries too, whatever floats your boat!

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What you’ll need:

1 lb. strawberries
2 cups rum (optional. preferably a light rum)
1/2 cup of blue sprinkles in a small bowl
1 cup melted white chocolate chips

This is a pretty simple recipe and can be made with the help of the kiddos, too! win-win! What you’ll need to do if you want to use the adult-friendly version is soak your choice of fruit in your choice of liquor for about 3 hours in the fridge. Then take it out, dry them off with a paper towel and go to town on the fun stuff! The rest of the recipe is the same for both versions. First, you’ll melt the white chocolate in a bowl and dip your fruit into it. Enough to coat most of the strawberry (or cherry) but leaving some red at the top. Then, you’ll move to your little bowl of blue sprinkles while the chocolate is still fresh so the sprinkles can stick. Coat the bottom half of the strawberry in the sprinkles, but leave enough room for the white chocolate to show and ta-da! Leave them in the fridge for about 40 minutes to harden and you’re ready to go!

Firework Fruit Kabobs

Thiskabob one is sooooo easy. I’m sticking with fruit cause, hey, it’s summer.Nothing beats a good piece of cold fruit on a hot day. So for this one all you really need is a seedless watermelon, some nice blueberries, and some wooden skewers (or any kind really). You’ll also need a star cookie cutter which you can buy here. Basically, all you do is slice the watermelon into about 1.5 inch slices and stamp out your star shaped watermelon. Then, you stick it on the top of your skewer and line some blueberries down the rest of the stick until there’s just enough room for people to comfortably hold it. You’re done. Congratulations on the easiest thing you’ll do all day!

Now that you have the idea of what a Fourth of July treat can be and/or look like, give these a try too! You can almost make any dessert and use red, white, and blue frosting or food coloring to add a little spark to the table…see what I did there? Spark…Fireworks…4th of July..? Anyway, have fun and be careful. Don’t forget to teach your kids to “ooh” and “ahh” after every firework. Lets bring a little of the good days back this year!